Passion and Giving Up - The Flow of Motivation

Follow your passion. 

It is probably the most cliche motivational saying in our society. We all see passion in a very positive light; we all strive to have a passion that drives us to work hard. Passion is an answer to the existential question of "what is our purpose?" 

I gave my time to passion. 

A while ago, I was struggling to find a place in this world. I wanted to justify my existence as something more than trivial. I wanted to spend my time doing something that makes me proud. I spent my time working on a science fair project, more specifically, a computer science / machine learning project.

I was, of course, interested in machine learning. The idea of classifying complex data into useful categories and making something "new" gave me satisfaction. I wanted to make a website that responded to the mental state of users via brainwaves (EEG). My project was a rather complex one; there were a lot of components that I did not know how to build. It was the perfect balance of challenge and practicality. 

I put in my time: after school, nights, weekends, holidays, showers all went into my project. 

I put my 'life' in passion. 

I was in a rather "desperate" situation, so I decided to set my project as my first priority above all else. I would spend time making detailed schedules and plans. I would talk to myself in the shower for motivation.

Picture by Scott Teresl.

But passion felt sparse. 

Sure I got the short bursts of motivation and concentration, but laziness always creeps up behind me. Sometimes I would feel extremely tired, wanting to go to bed without doing anything else. Sometimes I would not know what to do for my project. It is sort of like a "writer's block." 

How long does motivation last? 

When we watch an inspiration movie, hear and inspirational talk, how much of it translates into action? 

I get inspired easily, but often it does not lead to anything. Take a simple concept of jogging, for example, I am inspired to jog daily as a part of my life. I watched movies about people whose lives are connected to running, but I can't draw that energy into myself. Maybe I will be motivated for a day, but then when tomorrow comes, the motivation is not as strong.

Picture from Your Name.

A continued battle. 

I enjoy the view of life as "musubi." A quote from Kimi no Na Wa that I will probably write another post on:  "They converge and take shape. They twist, tangle, sometimes unravel, break, and then connect again. Musubi - knotting. That's time."

Time. Life. It does not have a definite form. Motivation is not shaped in one instance. It is not forged under heat and iron. Motivation is more like life, emotions, and time (won't go into detail about the constant time). Motivation has to be held alongside life; it has to flow, adapt, change with us. Passion is much like motivation.

Hardships may come., odds may go against us, despair may prevail, but we will always be able to call upon our motivation, our urge to fight.